Kids and gaming: The all-new family battleground

I'm sure if you have ever played a computer game or console game you know that they can be great fun and a good distraction. Like anything fun in the history of humankind, though, there is the potential for life to get out of balance if too much of our time is dedicated to one source of enjoyment. Until they are old enough to curb urges and delay gratification (jobs linked to the brain's cortex), children need parents to act as their cortex.  Until children fully develop a cortex of their own they need limits set on their exposure to all things that might compete with living a happy and healthy life - they need some limits on gaming time.

In all of the years I have been in clinical and forensic practice with young people, I have never seen a young offender who has been convicted of a violent crime solely because they played too many computer or console games.  Child development is much more complex than that! However there is perhaps a more frequent  or common concerning trend and that is where gaming starts to interrupt a happy, healthy and social life for the individual or their family.

The children I have seen who have developed problematic gaming patterns have usually done so because there's something else that's not-quite-right in their life.  Sadly, sometimes there are a many very-not-right things. 

Among families who have presented to me with a child (primary, secondary school or uni student age) with gaming issues, there are some common themes.  The children usually declare that they are not being heard or getting a say and sometimes there is a lack of respect or the recognition of needs between family members. 

Similar to adults with internet and gaming issues, children can retreat to the gaming sphere to avoid unpleasant feelings or happenings in their lives. 

Children retreating to games might be avoiding family conflict or other strong feelings like grief, loneliness, family separation or hurt from bullying, troubles with learning, or lacking a sense of achievement (at school or with friends).

Then, there are the children who just find it hard to comply with requests to turn the game off.  Children will always find it difficult to move from an activity they are enjoying to a less-preferred activity.  Playing a game is way more fun than cleaning your teeth and getting ready for bed.
Some children who are more oppositional will always find it tough and may need additional incentives to keep the household gaming rules and limits.

It is rare (in fact it has never happened in any of my clients) that a child complains about having too much time for gaming. I am loathe to suggest a set dosage rate for gaming time, but I'm happy to suggest it should be negotiated. When talking about limits to gaming, tell the child how their time on the computer affects you and other people.  Depending upon the age of your child, it's important to assist them to understand their priorities (school work, music, chores, pets, siblings, friends, sleep) and help them to make a balanced decision about how much time would be a healthy amount of time and which days might be best.  Sometimes it can be handy to draw up a simple calendar and purchase a timer.  Younger children may need a timer set - with a five minute warning so they have time to save their advances.

Once you impose restrictions, don't cave in or make threats - just follow through with regard to the times you have set. There will be most resistance at the start of the limits while they are being tested to see how wobbly they might be.  You will likely here how "unfair" it is, how they are the "only" child who has those limits in their class and how "bored" they will be.  Stick to your plan.  Indeed, think about having, at least, one day free of gaming each week or times where, maybe on holiday, there is a longer computer-game-free zone. 

When you are limiting gaming time for your children, be sure you also limit it for the adults in the household as well.  Make sure that when you are with your child, that you are with your child and not just sitting next to them while you play or check messages on your phone or other portable device.

Be firm about computer and console game time and content limits, but be interested in the themes, characters and goals of their games. 

Try to find out what it is they love about the game.

Many of the primary aged children I see would love for their parents to play on the games with them or at least to know some of the characters so that they understand why they are excited or disappointed after having played on a game for a time.  Also, if you know what games most interest a child, it becomes easier to suggest a real world equivalent way of pursuing this interest.
 
Encourage and help children to:

• build up alternative recreation options
• meet up with friends face to face
• share meals - maybe even help to cook
• get to bed at a good hour
• take part in family life
• explore art, books, music or even homework

Computer or console gaming is just one way of millions that everyone can enjoy their free time, but it is no fun when issues about accessing computer and console games become a battleground.  All children need limits and everyone needs balance. Keeping an eye out for things that might be making a child seek out more than usual game time, modelling negotiation and problem solving around accessing games provide the best chance for peaceful solutions.


Shona’s tips

Keep an eye out for the next Big Hug book, "The Internet is Like A Puddle".  It will be available in Australia from early January 2015. Ask your favourite bookstore.

Parents and Carers  - While it is tempting to use computer games as baby sitters, it is really important that someone responsible looks over the child's shoulder from time to time while they play.  Set up gaming devices in a more public area in your home.  This also lets you check whether your child is playing "on line", with strangers or with people that you know.

Teachers – Keep an eye out if a child looks repeatedly sleepy in class or if the content of all of their writing and socialising seems game-themed.   Whilst gaming may often be one of the limited interest sets of a student who has an autism spectrum concerns, if you see a change in the child over time, be sure to feedback what you have noticed to the student's parents or carers.  Encourage children to spend time in groups that do not necessarily share a gaming interest and encourage their development and involvement in non-gaming activities and themes.

 

Psychologists and Helpers – It is often the parents who will present a child with internet addiction issues.  It is rare for the young person to acknowledge any problems the first time they are dragged along for a treatment session. Keep an eye out for depression, impulsivity, sensation seeking, social anxiety and attention issues as well as getting a good sense of the family and friendship dynamics.  Kimberly Young and Cristiano Nabuco de Abreu have edited a fabulous book titled "Internet Addiction:  A Handbook Guide to Evaluation and Treatment"  (published by Wiley in 2011) and if you are regularly seeing children or adults with internet or gaming issues, this is a great resource. 

Kids – While it is fun to spend lots of time playing games on the computer or console, when people tell you to stop playing, there usually have very good reasons.  Sometimes, it doesn't feel like you are being listened to when someone tells you that you can't have anymore of something that you love.  Stay cool.  See if you can make a deal with the adults and then be very careful to keep your side of the deal.  When kids get stuck or bogged on just one area of fun, it can start to take over their lives.  Make sure you exercise all of your "fun muscles", not just the gaming ones. 

How do you know if your child needs psychological help?

“Your child needs help” they said.  “Something is not right with him” they said.  “Maybe you should take her to see someone”. 

That’s all very easy for other people to say, but how do they know?  How do you know if your child has a problem and if your child does have a problem? How do you find the best person to help them? Surely it takes more than just “seeing someone”?

How do you know when your child might need help?

Yes, there are some days when we could all use someone to talk to about our worries, fears or problems and children are no exception!  In terms of taking your child to see a psychologist, there is a general rule of thumb that can assist.  If your child’s problem has persisted for some time and is starting to get in the way of them having a happy and regular life, then it might be time to consider getting them (and you) some extra help.

For a child, a happy and regular life usually means that they sleep, eat, go to kinder/school, have fun with friends, maybe they are involved with a class or group outside of school and generally do what they are told (most of the time).  Things that might indicate that something is not right could include trouble regularly attending school, taking far too long and far too many companion toys and glasses of water before going to sleep at night, melting down at the idea of a sleep-over or school camp or suddenly they are not meeting the expected targets with their school work or their behaviour takes a change for the worse. If a child is in danger because of how they feel or what they are doing, your priority should be to get them help straight away.

What does a psychologist do?

A psychologist’s job is to help with emotions, learning and behaviour.  Psychologists use scientific research to understand how people think, feel and behave and to help them fix personal problems.  They can help to diagnose and treat mental health problems, learning issues or challenging behaviours and relationships.  Psychologists can work in hospitals, community health centre, for welfare agencies and in private practice.

To help a child with a problem, a psychologist needs to get to know a lot about the child, their experiences and the situation.  They need to ask personal information and keep it confidential.  In essence, the practice of good psychology is all much easier to do if the psychologist can make your child feel comfortable and retain professionalism.  You and your child and maybe even your child’s school, need to be able to form a good working relationship. 

So, how do you find the psychologist who is right for you?

The Australian Health Practitioner Regulations Agency (AHPRA) is responsible for regulating many health professionals in Australia.  The Psychology Board of Australia assists AHPRA to regulate the practice of psychology and protect the community by making sure practice guidelines are kept by registered psychologists.  Psychologists must be registered with the Psychology Board of Australia to practice psychology (by practice I mean to engage in the art and science of applying the theories of behavioural science to a person’s problem – I don’t mean that they are still working on trying to get it right).  If someone is not registered with AHPRA/PBA, then they are not legally allowed to practice psychology in Australia.  You can check a psychologist’s registration status, their qualifications and their endorsements (additional qualifications and supervised practice in a certain type of psychology) on the AHPRA website.

Like many professions, psychologists in Australian have a professional body that represents its members’ interests.  The Australian Psychological Society (APS) is a group that psychologist can join to help them stay abreast on what is happening in psychology in the country, to assist with keeping up to date with new findings and to lobby the government or other authorities about psychological issues.  Members of the APS pay an annual membership.   Membership of the APS is voluntary and psychologists don’t have to be a member of the APS In order to practice psychology in Australia.  The APS has a “Find a psychologist” service, but members also have to pay to use this service and there are many psychologists who choose not to use it.  The “Find a psychologist” service is largely for private practitioners so it does not tell you about all the psychologist in your area who might be working in a hospital, community health centre or in a school.

Your general practitioner may know the psychologists in your area.  Paediatricians and psychiatrists usually have a good idea about the psychologists who work with young people in their area. I always like to think that people could ask their doctor, paediatrician, psychiatrist, school principal or teacher...“If it was your child, which psychologist would you want them to see? “

Better still, call a few psychologists in your area and have a talk with them about what they do and how they do it.  You will need to ask about the costs of meeting with a psychologist.  Your doctor should be able to tell you whether any rebates apply to psychology fees.

You might also want to ask the psychologist about their qualifications.  The qualifications and requirements for being a registered psychologist have changed a bit over the years.  There are psychologists who have doctoral or masters level degrees from universities and some psychologists who have gained some of their qualifications from university and from learning in the field.  Some psychologists will have additional qualifications and experience in certain areas. 

Psychology is a growing profession and the research and information about the most helpful ways to assist others and it is important that a psychologist stay up to date. AHPRA/PBA keeps track of psychologists’ additional qualifications and they also check whether psychologists are keeping their skills up to date. 

 
 Shona’s tips

Parents and Carers – Don’t be frightened or put off by suggestions that your child get some help.  You know your child. Listen and watch them and spend time with them in the places or at the times when the issues seem to be biggest.  If you do decide to see a psychologist for your child, you may want to see the psychologist on your own first.  (You’ll need to check whether a session without the child is eligible for any rebates because this is sometimes a tricky area with funding bodies). Seeing the psychologist alone can mean you can talk without little ears hearing your worries.  Alternatively, ask the psychologist if you can have some brief time alone with them before the child joins you for each session. If you are still not sure about the type of help that would be best, you can always call Parentline or its equivalent in your State.

Teachers – It helps to encourage a family to engage with a psychologist if you can tactfully explain what you are seeing that concerns you.  It can help if you find out a few psychologists in your area that may be able to assist so that the family has less leg work to do to engage with a psychologist.

Psychologists and Helpers – Make sure you take time to welcome young people to your service with an age appropriate greeting.  Don’t try too hard to be “hip and jiggy with it”.  Children can tell when you are faking it or trying too hard and this can be off-putting.  Make sure you have some age-appropriate reading material in the waiting area and also that you have some “things and stuff” to visually demonstrate concepts.  Children don’t usually sit down opposite a grown up to talk. Be prepared to take some time to play or engage and explain what is going to happen. 

Kids – Seeing a psychologist doesn’t mean that you are looney or crazy. You would probably be surprised to know how many of your friends have seen someone else outside family and school to help them with different problems.  You may never know which of your friends is already seeing a psychologist because psychologists are good at keeping that information to themselves.  It’s not something they want to blab about.  You can find out more about what it might be like to see a psychologist by visiting http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/emotion/going_to_therapist.html. 

 

 

Workshop/Information session

Teenage Girls

Things you should “totally” know

A biopsychosocial look at mental health during the adolescent years including:

• Brain development
•  Identity formation
• Risk taking – substance use, self harm
• Relationships
• Socialising and social media
• Counselling, parenting and support

A framework for understanding what might be going on for her.

Shona Innes

Senior Clinical & Forensic Psychologist

499 Hargreaves Street (Corner Myrtle & Hargreaves Sts)

Daytime: Saturday 23^rd August 11-12.30

or Evening:  Wednesday 20^th August 6.30-8

$45

Limited places available

Phone Irene or Alicia 5443 2284 or email admin@bendigopsychology.com.au to secure your place with a payment.

Talking to your child about media coverage of tragedy

The world is not always a predictable place.  Sometimes it can be just cruel and awful.  This week, the incident involving the Malaysian Airlines passengers flying above the Ukraine has been a terrible example of the unexpected side of the people of our world.  Our special wishes need to be extended to all of those who are some way involved or related to those who lost their lives in the tragedy.

News of such a tragedy usually starts to flood our heads and our homes via screens or over the sound waves.  Often, the updates are accompanied by graphic pictures on the television and in the papers.  Special updates interrupting normal viewing or listening habits.  Our conversations and our tones of voice change.  So, it is important that we are mindful of our children’s responses to these kinds of events.  The way that we react can affect the way that they react and how they learn about the world and coping when tragedies occur. 

If your child seems to be upset about it, how do you explain or counsel them when it is truly an atrocity?

Depending on your child’s age and understanding, you may want to explain the known circumstances.  For a late primary school child, if they have questions, you may like to get out a map and just briefly (and age appropriately) explain the goings on in the Ukraine – “a place where people are fighting about who should run and make decisions about their country”.  The newspapers have some handy diagrams you can use to explain the areas of the world that are involved. Look for reliable and sensible information and screen it first before showing your child.

It might also be handy to explain to your child that whenever their is an awful event, some people who are sad will sometimes get angry or want to blame someone.  You might see or hear some of these people in the news. Sometimes  sad people want answers to their questions.  Some questions have no easy answer or the right answers can take time to get.  it is understandable that people might be upset.  More anger usually doesn’t fix things, but if your child feels angry, help them to express it.  They might like to write a letter to someone they think is important or who they think could make thing better in the future.

If your child is sad, in a grieving kind of way, they might like to write about their feelings, draw a picture, light a candle or plant a flower or shrub in the garden.  They may need a little extra time at bedtime and a few more hugs.  It is perfectly okay to feel upset by upsetting events.

If your child is anxious, it can be helpful to reassure them about the things that you know.  Be sure to explain about the role of news broadcasts in our lives.  I like to tell children that the reason news is called "news" is because it’s not something that happens every day.  If it was something that happened every day, it would not really be "news".   We might even have to call it "olds".  “CHARLIE EATS BREAKFAST” is not a common headline.  Charlie eats breakfast every day.  It’s not a "news" thing.  It happens everyday.  The news reporters like to talk about things that don’t happen very often.  The reason these event are news is because it is something that happens, thankfully, very rarely.  The chances of it happening are usually very small.  While this horrible situation did actually happen, it would be silly and sad to spend time ruining our life with worry about something that happened so rarely.   I also usually say that

"if worry really could help, then I would tell everyone to worry their hearts out"

but worry just tends to make us uptight and upset and we are better to spend that thought space being kind to others and doing nice things.

If your child is truly distressed, it is a really important time to try to make life as predictable as it can be.  Try to make bedtimes and meal time’s routine.  Do whatever you might normally do.  It can be tricky when normal television programming is replaced with scenes of a traumatic incident.  If that is happening a lot at your place, maybe switch off the news channels.  It might be a good time to get out a packet of cards or a board game and have a family games night instead of watching the "tele".

If your child starts to change their behaviour (more fearful, clingy, challenging than usual) over a lengthy period of time they may need some extra help.  Be sure to let your child's teachers and other carers know that they are not quite themselves.  Talking to your GP is a good place to start.  Your doctor can help you workout if further psychological intervention might be needed.

"Tell Me About Your Childhood"

 Why psychologists want to know and the implications for healthy child development

As the amazing human brain develops, it moves from a pretty primitive state of jumbled up nerve networks, through to a very complex series of coordinated networks over the years.  The first networks that come on board start to link our senses to our brains – we can start to see and hear.  As we age, our biology and our growing experiences connect pathways and we are able to do things that are more complex – so complex that some of our brains can even master algebra, fly fishing or a baking a sponge cake. 

Our brains also start to become more efficient.  We start to prune back the pathways we don’t need so that we can become more efficient at what we do.  At about age 25, the pathways in our brain are covered in an insulating substance called myelin, which essentially stops messages leaking out on their journey along the pathways and we get even more efficient at the things we practice.  Some things even become automatic. 

So, as we journey through life, we are taking information into our brain and trying to work out where it should fit.  In essence we make a set of rules, core beliefs or schemas upon which we build up our bank of ideas about how the world works and what is going to work best for us.  The rules that govern our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are buried deep within our brain.  Each of us has a unique bank of rules because we all started with varying biology and then from the very get go, we all began to experience the world differently.

The things we experience in childhood, and while our brain is still developing, may be pivotal to the ways we choose to cope when a problem comes along.

As we develop through life, we take in new information and either decide to keep the rules we have, alter them, or get rid of the rule completely.  If I see a man and make a friendly comment to him one day and he turns away, the way I make sense of his behaviour is likely linked to what I have experienced before.  If I have experienced a lot of rejection, then I may not think much of his reaction.  If I have had lots of acceptance before, then I might find his reaction odd.  If the man is wearing a hearing aide, I might decide that he may not have understood me and I might try again.  The ways I interpret the other person’s reaction will depend on my past experiences of other people in similar situations.  What I do, think and feel next will also be determined by how I have automatically interpreted his behaviour in my brain.

This is just one little scenario – imagine a lifetime of scenarios built up in our brains!

If we face a problem and we do, think or feel something that takes that problem away or makes it more bearable, then we will remember what works and keep it for next time.  If a rule is never tested, then it’s likely that it never gets adjusted to fit our new circumstances. If I was frightened by a dog once and then avoid dogs for many, many years then it’s likely that my rule that “dogs are frightening” will stay because it has never been tested.

The other problem we might face is that we come across a situation where we have become quite set in our ways.  Sometimes, we get a problem and none of our past rules seem to work, but we might still keep on using them anyway.  It could be that we are lonely and we have a rule that tells us not to approach new friends because we worry that they will be mean to us.  Making change takes effort and insight. If we keep doing something that doesn’t work, then there’s usually a reason behind that, too – it may not be obvious but it might be buried in our pile of rules way down deep.

So, when a psychologist wants to know a little bit about your past, the psychologist is looking for some of the most important events that occurred in your life as these are the ones that will likely have left you with your strongest core beliefs.  If your core beliefs and the automatic thoughts they lead you to generate are working for you, then life should be sweet.  Some of the rules we laid down very early in our childhood may not have been tested for some time.  If you have some core beliefs that are built on some faulty or out-dated logic, then it might be time to run a system’s upgrade.

Problems can be great opportunities to consider our core rules, think about an update for our beliefs, readjust our networks, and learn.

As parents, carers, teachers and therapists, it’s important that when a child has problems, we encourage them to problem solve, to think about the advantages and disadvantages of what has worked or not worked before.  Some children will do this automatically and some, for various reasons of biology and experience, may need more help. There are very few absolutes in life, so we need to be sure that we promote flexible thinking in children.  What we model and say, the things we celebrate, and the kinds of achievements we praise can all assist a more flexible and adaptive system of responding to the inevitable ups and downs life brings us.

Shona’s tips

Parents and Carers –   Listen to your own thoughts and see what beliefs you keep telling yourself.  Be especially vigilant when you feel a strong emotion rise in your belly - this is usually a sure sign that a core belief has been activated deep inside your brain.  Some of the core thoughts might relate to your parenting and why you come down so hard on your children for some things, but turn a blind eye to others.  You might find this worksheet by CCI a handy reference for identifying and working on your more troublesome thoughts.

Teachers – Keep an ear out for the core beliefs that children may have with respect to their learning.  You might hear them out loud when you suggest a new task or give them feedback on a test.  Some students may be stuck in a faulty belief system that tells them that they are not a good learner - "I suck at maths" or "I'm no good at sport".  Encourage children to gently test their beliefs with safe and well-thought-through challenges to their automatic thinking.

Psychologists and Helpers – Some of you may have some core beliefs that stop you from being as helpful as you might be.  If you think you have some thoughts interrupting your process of therapy with a client, be sure to speak about them the next time you have supervision or a peer consultation.  You may need to work on a plan to make sure that any faulty thoughts  that you have about yourself as a clinician or helper are highlighted for some gentle work. 

Kids – When you get a strong feeling in your body, check in with what your brain is saying.  You might want to write it down, draw it or share it with someone.  Don't worry if you can't do it at first - it's a little bit like trying to chase a butterfly.  Sometimes thoughts just flit in and out really quickly, but the important ones tend to hang around for awhile.

Kids These Days - What's Going On Out There?

Every day, the phone rings at our psychology practice with a range of calls about children with problems.  Parents, carers, doctors, psychiatrists, paediatricians, teachers and welfare workers all call about children that need help.  We get calls about tots, teens and "tweens".

Looking at the types of calls coming through can tell us a bit about what is going on for kids out there these days.  The health and happiness of our children is a great measure of how we are doing as a society.  So, if children aren't healthy and happy, what are the things that are not working for them?  What is it they need?

In no particular order, here is a broad sample of our current, most common, requests to help young people and some ideas about what these problems tell us about children's needs.  Please keep in mind that the enquiries we have won’t include the huge number of wonderful things happening for children in the world.  Remember, in a psychology practice, we are always going to see a skewed sample. It’s the nature of our business.

• Anxiety – There are so many things in the World you could be worried about.

When we see children who are anxious or frightened, it tends not so much to be about the fear of the dark or the bogey men anymore.  It seems to be more of a generalised sense they have that the world is a dangerous place.  Children might reflect the anxieties of their grown-ups. For some children and their families there is so much heightened arousal about the world and their role in it.   There is so much that can go wrong or so much that you might get wrong – exams, fitting in, missing out.  The child is convinced they need to be constantly prepared for catastrophe. 

Children need a balanced view of the world – sometimes it is beautiful and sometimes it is tragic – always has  been and, likely, always will be.

• Friendship and loneliness issues – from bullies to heart break. 

A number of children present with significant sadness and worry about having no friends, feeling left out or being avoided by other who used to be friends.  Some have broken hearts - not necessarily of the boyfriend/girlfriend type, but more about the abandonment of previously held friendships. Some of these children have autism and developmental problems and need help with skills.  It is so easy for some children to give up and stop trying to make friends because they can get so caught up in what’s wrong with them that they just don’t see how much of them is perfectly fine. 

Children need connections.

• Family breakdown – Can you really hate your ex more than you love your child?

The time and effort that ex-partners can put into hating each other is astounding.  It is tough to see a child who loves both parents being torn because the parents are at war with each other.  It’s great to know that many separated families can do an exceptional job or raising a child across two homes, but the Family Court is still busy with the couples who have a situation so complex, that the child or children miss out on so much of what is needed to be settled, healthy and content.   Long and extended Court battles over custody seldom bring out the best in grownups.

Children need grownups who put their needs ahead of their hate for the ex-partner.  They certainly don’t need to hear what an awful person Mum thinks Dad is or vice versa.

• Self harm – Trying to find ways that can soothe when life gets hard

Self harm - cutting, burning or injuring yourself - has spiked in referrals in recent years and can be complex to understand.  Ironic as it sounds, some of the presenting self harm issues are attempts to soothe when life gets too hard.  Sometimes talking and posting about your self harm is a way to belong with a large online community - an attractive proposition to the otherwise lonely.  The more recent trend in referrals to treat self harm include younger children in their late primary school years. Self harm is something that needs a proper, professional assessment.

Generally speaking, children need to be encouraged to speak up about their problems to attentive adults and to learn how to soothe themselves without the need for inflicting pain on themselves, or others.

• Child maltreatment and trauma – Oh, how I would love to live in a world where children could grow up without early exposure to abuse or neglect. 

Brain research is now showing us the biological and long term impacts of child maltreatment on young brains and the protective factors that abound when there is healthy early attachment to a predictable and loving grown up. Attention problems, hyperactivity, anxiety, depression, anger and difficulties regulating emotions and behaviours can all stem from abuse and neglect.  Mum and Dad may love you, but they may also be what I call “parentally-challenged”.  Their substance abuse issues, working hours, or their priorities about keeping up with the Joneses can trump time at home with the children.  These days neglect can also mean long hours spent on the internet or gaming devices without supervision or without someone to tell you to go to sleep or eat some breakfast.

Children need safety, affection, attention and boundaries.

• The cyber world – faster, broader, easier to access, difficult to monitor, but the way of the future.

At the nuisance level, children (and indeed adults), can have trouble moving from a most preferred activity to a least preferred activity – asking a child to get off the computer can sometimes cause a huge reaction. There can also be a gap between what Mum and Dad know and what children are actually exposing themselves to online. At the more sinister end is the exploitation of young ones who inadvertently click or swipe their way into a dangerous liaison.  There is also a trend to seeing more young people in trouble with the Law for sharing too much of themselves, or too much of their boy/girlfriend, with others. On the other hand, there are not too many school rooms with chalk boards these days – chalk boards may as well be stone tablets etched Fred Flintstone style. Connection to the cyber world is a really important part of current educations and learning.

Children need to be exposed to the cyber world because it will continue to be a large component of their lives and future lifestyles.  However, children need someone on yard duty in the cyber playground!

• Access to substances – using alcohol and illicit substances can make the dumb decisions sometimes expected in adolescence, even dumber! 

It would be great if we knew that children were never going to be exposed to substances that could harm them.  Some of the most harmful substances are the ones that are legal and  used often in the household.  While the brain is still growing, it needs to be sheltered form additional toxic chemistry associated with alcohol and drugs.  The thrill seeking that naturally accompanies adolescence means that often alcohol and substance use is combined with fast cars and other potential dangers.

Children need to learn about harms and their risk-taking in age appropriate ways and to feel supported to make a brave, smart decision even though it may be unpopular with their friends.

• Perfectionism and body image – Eat (or starve), sleep, school, repeat.

While eating disorders remain some of the most dangerous mental health problems amongst young people, there is also an insidious amount of perfectionism sneaking into to the belief systems of our younglings.  Some young people can freeze or melt down at the thought of making a mistake or not getting an “A” on an assignment.  They are driven to make tighter and tighter rules and higher benchmarks for themselves to avoid an ever present fear of letting someone down or not being good enough.

Children need to know that it’s human to make mistakes and to know that they are already so very loveable.  There is also a need for children to understand the importance of balance and healthy fun with good friends.
 
So, the issues that children bring to their psychological treatment reflect a lot about what is going on in our society.  Child safety and the need for affectionate and warm relationships with grownups are still paramount. Their current issues show difficulties adapting to, and getting the most out of, our fast paced and changing society without compromising themselves.  Children need healthy and safe grownups and lots of opportunities for connecting and communicating with others to help them find their way.

Shona’s tips

Everyone - It’s really important to remember that there is always going to be more right with a child than wrong with them.  When we help, we need to consider what is happening with their developing biology and brain and their thinking and beliefs, but also their home, their school, their friends and the society that they live in.

The Chook Brain and the Cortex

The human brain never ceases to amaze me.  It is truly an amazing piece of equipment made up of miniscule and precise parts that coordinate and move our body in ways we think about and ways we don't even have to think about.  You would think that having had a brain for as long as humans have existed, we might know a bit more about it by now.  Technology and machines that go "ping" are helping us to advance our knowledge further and further each day.  In the meantime, I find it easy to explain a lot of human behaviour by thinking about the brain being made up of sections or parts that each have a an important job to do when we react to things. 

The brain seems to have some really quite primitive parts and some really extra clever bits.  The primitive parts are the bits that look after our essential survival - things like breathing, eating, pooing and running away from dangerous things.

The Chook Brain 

I have two backyard chickens, Daphne and Valma.  Now, while I love them lots, I can acknowledge that Daphne and Valma are great at eating, pooing and laying eggs, but they are not great at more complex things like playing the piano, helping me with my homework problems or knowing the difference between my vegie seedlings and weeds.  Compared to human brains, Daphne and Valma have very primitive brains.  Daphne and Valma have chook brains that help them with the things they really need to know how to do - eat, poo, lay eggs and run away from danger - "Bercark!!!"

Humans have a part of their brain that is kind of like a chook brain.  The chook brain part in our brain is really quite primitive and responsible for helping us with basic jobs and with keeping our bodies safe.

 The Cortex

As well as a chook brain, we humans also have a part of the brain that allows us to do all those things that chicken cannot do - solve problems, think things through, focus on one thing for a long time and put off things that we want to do because there are other things we know are more important.  This region of the brain is generally referred to as the human cortex. 

It takes about 25 years for humans to have a fully grown cortex.  When we are newborns, our brains are very primitive.  When we are newborn we can poo and eat and startle if we get a fright.  As we age and our brain grows,  the cortex gets able to do more and more things. 

Until we have a fully developed cortex part of our brain, we really need to borrow the cortex of safe and loving adults to help us make good decisions.

Reacting to Threats

The other amazing thing about our chook brain and cortex, is how they react to danger.  If something is a really big threat, then our chook brain (the bit that looks after us if we need to run away) kicks in and takes over total control of our brain and body.  If it's a really big scary thing, our chook brain will get us ready to run away or to fight it off. 

When you think about it, this is really important.  If you are, say, walking through the jungle and see a tiger, this is not a good time to sit down to do homework, remember to get milk and bread on the way home, make and eat a sandwich, or to calculate the square root of a very large number.  We don't have time to use our cortex much.

When you see a tiger in your jungle, its a good time to run - and run fast.  Our chook brain helps us do this.  The cortex shuts down thinking and planning and our body gets ready to take care of us.  Our heart goes faster to beat more blood to our big muscles, our breathing changes, our muscles get tense, our vision changes, our bellies can get uptight and sore (and our bowels can get loose), we get sweaty and all we can focus on is the scary thing.  "Bercarck!!!"

After we have run from the tiger or have beaten it down with our bare hands and  big oxygen-rich-blood-filled muscles,  we can take a big breath out and sigh with relief.  Our cortex can start to come back online.  We can start to think, remember and make sense of more things.  The process of moving from chook brain to cortex mode might take awhile and we can feel a bity wobbly while this happens and sometimes we can be on high alert for quite some time.

 Tigers These Days

These days, not many of us come across actual tigers in jungles.  Many of the things our brain thinks are scary are  ideas or worries or memories that frighten us.  We can go chook brained even just thinking about or imagining something that threaten us - an accident, a trauma, or something that causes death - bodily death or social death.  We don't run or take on too many tigers, instead we react in a range of different ways -  maybe tantrums, panic or meltdown.

 Calming the Chook Brain

The chook brain and the cortex have lots to answer for when it comes to managing anxiety, worries and trauma. They can also help us understand what we need to do to be able to stay calm and help children (who don't yet have a fully grown cortex) to stay calm.

To get to know your chook brain a little better, think about the things that threaten you or that might be threatening your child.  The threat may be real and current, a memory of a past threat (trauma) or a prediction about a threat that hasn't even happened yet (worry).  

Get to know the early warning signs that you (or your child) are about to go chook-brained.  Do you notice a change in your heart rate, a change in your breathing, or tightness in your muscles?  When you notice the warning signs, try to keep a hold of your cortex or step in to help your child use more cortex. Check in with your breathing and try to slow it and try to encourage your child to do the same.  Try to stretch your muscles or check in with your thoughts to see if you really need to be so alarmed.  Think, say and do things that will soothe you and soothe your child.

When your cortex comes back, have a talk about what happened and use your full brain to problem solve plan ahead for what you might do if the scary thing, thought or memory comes back again. Your child might like to draw or write a story or poem to help them.

Shona’s tips

Parents and Carers –   In your role as the extra cortex for you child, be sure you try to model healthy ways of dealing with fears and worries.  Your child will look to you when they are unsure and if you look calm, they will fell better. If you look like you are chook-brained......then there may be more than one of you going "Bercarck!!!".

Teachers – Children who are chook-brained are not going to be able to concentrate on learning.  Calmer classrooms is a great resource for assisting children who have been traumatised, but also can give you ideas that can calm many anxieties in children.

Psychologists and Helpers – Make sure you don't make assumptions about what may soothe your client based on the things that soothe you - different things soothe different people differently.  Encourage them to explore, experiment and gather the information for themselves. The Centre for Clinical Interventions has some useful workbooks for adult clients.

Kids – You might like to draw a picture about what you are like when you are chook-brained and where you notice it in your body. It might also be nice to keep a box full of things that make you feel relaxed and calm - things to cuddle, things that smell nice, nice music and sounds or pictures of people you love.  Staying calm helps you keep your whole brain working together.